The Soft Skills That Make You a Hard-Hitting Leader

Leadership
Written By Ashley Kesner

Spoiler: It's not about being the loudest voice in the Zoom room.

Being a great leader isn’t about barking orders, hustling harder, or flexing your calendar full of back-to-back meetings. That’s not leadership, that’s a mental breakdown with a side of burnout.

If you want to lead well (without becoming an emotionally unavailable boss zombie), you need something that doesn’t show up on most resumes: soft skills.

Specifically, emotional intelligence.

Yeah, we said it. The fluffy sh*t.

Except… it’s not so fluffy anymore.

Wait, What Is Emotional Intelligence Anyway?

In psych speak, emotional intelligence (EQ) is your ability to recognize, regulate, and express emotions—both in yourself and in other people. According to Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept, EQ is made up of five key components:

  1. Self-awareness

  2. Self-regulation

  3. Motivation

  4. Empathy

  5. Social skills

It’s basically the operating system behind how you react, relate, and rally others.

And here’s the kicker: studies show that emotional intelligence is more predictive of leadership success than IQ or technical ability. A whopping 90% of top performers have high EQ, according to TalentSmart research. Meanwhile, only 20% of low performers do.

Translation? It’s not just what you know. It’s how you handle what you feel—and how you deal with others feeling their own sh*t, too.

Why Soft Skills = Hardcore Leadership

Think soft skills are just HR fluff? Let’s break that myth.

1. Self-Awareness: The Anti-Gaslight Skill

You can’t lead anyone well if you can’t even read your own emotional dashboard. Self-awareness is the difference between reacting and responding.

When you’re aware of your triggers, your energy, and how you show up in a room (or Zoom), you can adjust with intention—not ego. That’s leadership.

📌 Psych Bonus: Self-awareness is directly tied to meta-cognition (thinking about your thinking), which is a core executive function in your brain. It’s also linked to higher emotional regulation and better decision-making.

2. Self-Regulation: Don’t Be the Slack-Snapper

Everyone’s had that boss who explodes over a minor mistake—or worse, sends a passive-aggressive all-staff email about the “importance of meeting deadlines.” Gross.

Self-regulation is what stops you from rage-slacking your team when you’re overwhelmed. It’s the pause. The breath. The leadership muscle that says, “I feel like sh*t right now, but I don’t need to throw it at everyone.”

And guess what? Regulated leaders create regulated teams. Chaos may be inevitable in business, but your emotional reaction doesn’t have to be.

3. Empathy: The Underrated Power Play

Empathy gets a bad rap for being too emotional, but real empathy? That’s business strategy, baby.

It’s how you know when your team is fried before they tell you. It’s how you intuit what your audience really needs in a marketing campaign. It’s how you read the room.

In organizational psychology, this ties into emotional attunement and psychological safety—two things that build trust, reduce turnover, and foster innovation. Google’s Project Aristotle found that psychological safety was the #1 predictor of high-performing teams.

Bottom line: You can’t create psychological safety without empathy.

4. Motivation: Leading Without a Gold Star

Intrinsic motivation—the kind that comes from purpose, not praise—is a game changer. EQ-driven leaders are usually motivated by internal values, not just external validation.

That’s the kind of energy people want to follow. Not the “let’s crush Q3!” empty hype, but the “I believe in what we’re building” type of grounded fire.

And when you’ve got that? You become magnetic.

5. Social Skills: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How It Lands

Ever meet a leader who’s technically right but people still hate working with them? That’s a social skill deficit.

You could have the best strategy in the world, but if you can't communicate it, collaborate on it, or get buy-in from your team, it's dead on arrival.

People follow people who make them feel seen, safe, and supported. That’s not weakness—it’s influence.

How EQ Makes You Money (Yes, Really)

Let’s talk bottom line. Emotional intelligence isn’t just good vibes—it’s ROI.

✅ Higher employee retention: People don’t quit companies. They quit emotionally clueless managers.
✅ Stronger client relationships: When you listen well and handle feedback like a pro, you keep clients longer.
✅ Better team performance: Regulated, supported teams hit goals faster—and with fewer breakdowns.
✅ More creative problem solving: Safe brains are creative brains. EQ helps people feel safe enough to share new ideas.

So yeah—being emotionally intelligent isn’t just a “nice to have.” It’s a leadership skill that drives growth, revenue, and retention. (And keeps you from being that unhinged boss everyone avoids.)

So... Can You Learn This Stuff?

Absolutely. EQ is not some mystical trait you're born with. It’s learnable. It’s trainable. And it gets stronger the more you work on it.

Some of the ways leaders improve their emotional intelligence:

  • Working with a coach

  • Practicing mindfulness and reflection

  • Seeking honest feedback (and listening to it)

  • Learning how to regulate stress and shame responses

  • Unlearning toxic leadership behaviors from past work trauma (yes, we go there)

The first step is being willing to admit: “Maybe I don’t have this all figured out.” And if you’re reading this? That means you’re already way ahead of the pack.

Feelings Aren’t Weak—They’re Data

The corporate world taught us to suppress, perform, and power through. But emotional intelligence flips the script. It says:

→ You can feel deeply and still lead boldly.
→ You can have boundaries and still be empathetic.
→ You can be soft—and still hit hard.

In fact, the softness is the edge.

So if you're ready to lead with more clarity, confidence, and EQ-fueled firepower, maybe it's time we talk.

Ashley Kesner